Saturday, January 9, 2016

KINDLE: The Star Wars spinoff drawing board – East Oregonian (subscription)

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As I sat in the theater, the subtitle of the new Stars Wars movie “The Force Awakens” That did not seem fitting to me. “And Used But In Good Condition Hope” would’ve been more accurate, but would’ve been crammed iconic onscreen during the opening title sequence. “The Box Office Awakens” would’ve worked just fine.

Watching the new Star Wars movie is much like watching The Beach Boys on the county fair circuit reunion; Sure they are performing all the familiar hits you know and love, but there’s something rather crass and greedy about seeing the original members sans Brian Wilson of self-congratulatorily parading through the band’s catalog, content on rehashing the past rather than build upon the band’s legacy.

Of course the Brian Wilson in this analogy is George Lucas. Sure, both Wilson and Lucas made missteps in Their careers, but each was a driving artistic vision in regards this Their respective projects.

Now that Lucas has no hand in steering the much loved space opera he created, the Walt Disney Company is free to mine the franchise for the sequel films and merchandise (“Hello, Star Wars Pendleton blankets!”) into perpetuity. In his much-ballyhooed interview with Charlie Rose and conducted late last year, Lucas Stated That filmmakers in the United States have less creative freedom than filmmakers under communist rule in the Soviet Union. Rather hyperbolic to be sure, but what he meant to say Was That Hollywood filmmakers are pressured to sacrifice it and the movie’s plot for the sake of marketability. In the case of the “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” This Means recycling all the major plot points from “A New Hope”; orphan protagonist on desert planets whisked out of Their humdrum life by a fugitive Droid (check), the oppressive regime builds an instrument of planetary destruction to be later destroyed by a group of ragtag rebels (check) antagonist with familial ties is the protagonist kills sage figure ( check).

As clumsy as Lucas’s prequel trilogy you, it is his credit, he at least concocted an original storyline. In spite of how visually satisfying “The Force Awakens” you, the overall experience Carried no suspense or surprises since you could see them coming from light years away. The reemergence of familiar characters, not unlike Leonard Nimoy’s appearance in JJ Abrams’s Star Trek reboot, were Cameos That relied on viewers’ knowledge of the previous films to feel significant_coeff_flag. They only left me pining to watch the original films. Why subject myself is an inferior Replicant?

In the off years between the sequel trilogy movie releases, Disney intends to release “Anthology” That films follow characters tangential to the Star Wars saga. Presumably These spinoffs will not have the audacity to this Directly rip off the plot of the “Return of the Jedi” (how many times do we need to see the Death Star blown up?). I’m offering original film slightly These treatments up to Disney, free of charge, in case they care a pilfer Their films’ plots from outside the Star Wars universe:

My Dinner With Chewbacca – Composed of one continuous scene taking place at space bar and grill orbiting the planet Bespin Han Solo and Chewbacca reunite over dinner after being separated for many years. A long, philosophical conversation ensues between the two touching upon the nature of life, spiritual experiences, and the hazards of space smuggling.

Fifty Shades of Hutt – The erotic tale of a recent college graduate is developing a romantic relationship with her employer, the enigmatic space gangster Jabba the Hutt. Moody in tone and set a sensual soundtrack as Performed by Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes, the film explores the taboo practices of bondage and sadomasochism, but not too deeply, because an NC-17 rating would severely hamper the film’s marketability in more conservative markets.

The Fugitive: Flying Solo – In this suspense-thriller, Han Solo, wrongfully Convicted of Murdering his wife, escapes from custody and sets out to prove his innocence with the bounty hunter Boba Fett in hot pursuit . In what is sure to be an iconic scene (and great to insert in the trailers) Solo leaps off the face of the dam in order to escape Fett.

James Dean Kindle is a singer-songwriter and musician and part-time Pendleton resident. You can contact him at jamesdeankindle@gmail.com.


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